


Aziraphale: Good Kid, Pillar of the Community, Perfection

by thanks_for_the_existential_crisis



Series: Anthony J. Crowley: (Semi) Secret Horticulturist and Aziraphale: Closet(ed) Bastard [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - High School, Anathema is Crowley's Sister, Angry Gabriel (Good Omens), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Because he's a dramatic gay what can i say, Besotted Crowley, Bisexual Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Has A Speech Impediment (Good Omens), Crowley Has Hypermobility, Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), Dramatic Crowley (Good Omens), Gabriel is a bastard, Gay Aziraphale (Good Omens), Gay Male Character, Homophobia, Idiots in Love, Its light to me at least, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Sergeant Shadwell/Madame Tracy (Good Omens), Older Sibling Gabriel (Good Omens), Protective Crowley, Religious Content, Religious homophobia and the discussions/godly mentions that follow count right?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-16 09:42:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21034202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanks_for_the_existential_crisis/pseuds/thanks_for_the_existential_crisis
Summary: "It’s been a week and Crowley is finally back at school. He's back in his astronomy class, he's going to horticulture meetings, and he’s eating lunch with Zira every day. Now, Aziraphale's parents are furious about it because Gabriel glares and makes snide remarks and reports back to them every day, so they know Zira is disobeying them. But Aziraphale hasn’t let that hold him back. It’s making Crowley’s heart do funny little flips in his chest. He thought he couldn't fall any further but then Aziraphale went and got disobedient too. So, he’s sitting outside eating turkey sandwiches with Aziraphale while Gabriel attempts to become the first human to shoot lasers out of their eyes and he couldn't be happier. This happiness lasts for three weeks before it moves from happiness to, to awesome, excellent, marvellous, perfect, spectacular, wondrous, just...just splendid joy."





	1. Spectacular, Wondrous, Splendid Joy, With Just A Small Little Dash of Brotherly Homophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Religious homophobia, profanity, Gabriel puts his hands on Crowley and Aziraphale to pull them apart but there's no beating/assault

It’s been a week and Crowley is finally back at school. He's back in his astronomy class, he's going to horticulture meetings, and he’s eating lunch with Zira every day. Now, Aziraphale's parents are furious about it because Gabriel glares and makes snide remarks and reports back to them every day, so they know Zira is disobeying them. But Aziraphale hasn’t let that hold him back. It’s making Crowley’s heart do funny little flips in his chest. He thought he couldn't fall any further but then Aziraphale went and got _disobedient _too. So, he’s sitting outside eating turkey sandwiches with Aziraphale while Gabriel attempts to become the first human to shoot lasers out of their eyes and he couldn't be happier. This happiness lasts for three weeks before it moves from happiness to, to awesome, excellent, marvellous, perfect, spectacular, wondrous, just...just _splendid _joy. Aziraphale _kisses _him. 

It's not intense, tongue shoved down his throat, making out. They're just sitting outside eating lunch as usual except Crowley accidentally looks his Angel in the eyes and sounds entirely too serious when he reminds him that he’s perfect. Usually, he can keep it lighthearted enough, so as not to freak Zira out of course. Nothing to do with him being a coward. But no. He forgets himself and turns to Zira with an infatuated little grin and says, “You're absolutely perfect Angel, they’re lucky to have you.” 

Aziraphale stares at him silently for a moment and Crowley panics. Honestly, did he have to go and screw everything up? Jesus. He had a perfectly good thing going here with a really great best friend and now this. But just as he was going to try to apologize and salvage as much of the friendship as he could Aziraphale blushes and darts forward to kiss him on the cheek. Just a little peck on the cheek was all it was but it was enough to turn Crowley into a blushing mess. He's bright red and honestly he kind of feels like he’s dying. If he is, then he's dying happy at least. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for months, my dear.” 

He blinks, “Monthssss Angel?” 

“Oh yes. You’re just so, so smart and kind and,” Aziraphale blushes, “handsome. And you never get impatient with me even though I’m so nervous and always need so long to think about things.” 

“M’not kind Angel.” 

Aziraphale smiles and takes Crowley’s hand in his, “You’re always very kind with me.” 

And he's blushing again. Satan, Angel is really trying to give him heart palpitations or something, “Yeah, well. Don’t go telling anyone.” 

So, Crowley is back at school and everything returns to normal before it flips on its axis in the best way possible. He’s living in bliss. For two minutes. That’s how long it takes Gabriel to come outside for his usual sessions of staring them down only to see Crowley gather up the courage to return Zira’s gesture of affection. He isn’t vulgar about it. He doesn’t do anything gropey or crude. He just pecks a kiss right on the tip of his Angel’s perfect nose. It elicits a beautiful smile. But considering the force with which Gabriel yanks them apart from each other they may as well have been humping right there on the grass for anyone to see. Crowley would never. Aziraphale deserves the utmost respect and care and Crowley is not going to go any further than he has made clear he is okay with because consent is sexy and all that. 

“How dare you?!” 

“G-Gabriel! What’s gotten into you?” 

“Not right now, Aziraphale. Wait until Mother and Father hear about this. As if it wasn’t bad enough you were gallivanting about with this miscreant against their express orders, now this? What will they think? What will the Lord think?” 

Crowley opens his mouth to argue or curse or bite the hand holding him by the arm, to do something, but when Zira, his Angel, whispers his name and shakes his head with those tear-filled eyes, he closes it. He has so much to say but it’s not really his place is it? Not if Aziraphale wants him to stay out of it. So, Crowley bites his tongue and imagines all the things he’d like to do to this bastard with a future in corporate HR for putting those tears in _his Angel’s _eyes. 

As Gabriel continues to lecture Aziraphale, and Crowley by proximity, Crowley yanks his arm away and thinks. Things had been going so well. But this might be the straw on the camel's back or what have you. And he doesn’t know what he’ll do if it is. To know what he could have and immediately have it ripped away… He couldn’t take it. It would destroy him. Aziraphale is everything good, he’s love and kindness and lunch outside talking about Shakespeare and Stars instead of in the cafeteria being harassed by Beelzebub and them. 

“Are you even listening to me?!” 

Crowley flinches at the voice screeching in his ear and looks up from the ground. He sees Gabriel’s harsh eyes and glares right back at him, “Sssorry, no I wassn’t. What wassss that?” 

“I said: Stay away from my brother. Are we clear?” 

He looks at Zira. A lot must have happened while he was zoned out, Aziraphale looks devastated and two seconds away from openly sobbing. This just won’t do. Completely unacceptable. Crowley straightens up, looks back at Gabriel, and raises an eyebrow. 

“On what grounds?” 

“On what-? On the grounds of his immortal soul..!” 

“Hm. Yeah, don’t really make policy decisions on those grounds. Get back to me with the proper forms and a valid reason and we’ll talk yeah?” 

“How dare you, you insolent..!” 

Crowley pulls his sunglasses off and grins, “How dare I? Well now, for one this isn’t your decision to make. And reason b, seeing that little vein on your forehead when you get worked up gives me just the biggest rush. And really, I just like him way too much to give him up over something so subjective.” 

He hears a little gasp and his name quietly, on an exhale of breath practically, from Aziraphale but he can’t look over now. If he looks over now he’ll lose his grip on this resolve and he can’t do that while Gabriel is still here. He has to stay strong because, because. Well, because he’s the strong one isn't he? His Angel needs him to puff up his chest with no intention of backing down and spit in the face of authority right now, so that’s just what he’s going to do. Zira has his moments of righteous fury of course and if Crowley needed him he’d be there, no hesitation. But this is family and God with a capital ‘g’ and Aziraphale _needs him. _

“You have no idea what you’re talking about-!”

Crowley bares his teeth, “‘And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.’ 1 John 4:16. Or, oh goodness, I’m so sorry. Were we raised on _different _Bibles? Did yours not put love above all things? 1 Peter 4:8? No?” Crowley exaggerates snapping his fingers, “Oh! Maybe 1 Corinthians 13:13?” 

[1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."]  
{1 Corinthians 13:13 “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."} **  
**

Gabriel gapes at him and Crowley fights back a grin. He sighs and says, “I guess God's holy words just don't matter to some people anymore. A tragedy really, that's what I always say. But what can you do?” 

Crowley shrugs helplessly and watches with a falsely kind smile as Gabriel’s worldview comes crashing down around him. He knows that this won’t solve all of their problems but at least it might get Gabriel off of his Angel’s back until their parents go and make him think he was right all along. Crowley really doesn't want to let Zira go home after school today. Not knowing what he’s going home to. But that isn’t a problem he can fix right now. Right now he needs to get his Angel _away _from this tall, corporate jackass. So, he shoves past Gabriel while he’s still trying to understand the fact that Crowley is capable of quoting the bible and pulls Aziraphale away. They’ll go hide in the greenhouse until next period or something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about figuring out those cool footnotes everyone is using but I actually prefer when the stuff is right in the text anyways so I just threw the bible verses Crowley mentions but doesn't quote right on in there in some fancy brackets. :)


	2. Angelic Anxiety Levels and the Corresponding Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They never get around to talking out what Aziraphale wants to do. It's all Crowley can do to keep his Angel calm enough that he doesn't hyperventilate every few minutes. Eventually, Zira talks himself to sleep. Crowley doesn't mind. He pulls the blanket around him and makes sure he's comfortable before going out to sleep on the couch in the living room. Wouldn't want to give Aziraphale, or worse his mom and dad, the wrong idea. Crowley knows they won’t mind that Zira came over, not once he lets them know there were circumstances as it were, but they might mind if they find them in bed together with no warning. Would not be good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Religious homophobia, profanity, not quite a panic attack but a bit of A Moment with crying and trouble breathing

When they get there Aziraphale is crying. It’s not that gentle, pretty crying they show in movies. He’s sobbing, hard, and Crowley isn’t completely sure he’s actually breathing. 

“Angel. Aziraphale, darling come here,” he pulls Zira closer and hugs him. 

Aziraphale's hands come up to grip the back of his jacket, “He was so cruel...” 

Crowley probably wouldn't have heard him if he wasn't so close to him with how quietly he said it. He kisses his forehead, “I know Angel. Can you do me a favor? Can you take a deep breath in for four..? And now out for four..? That's good Zira. You’re doing so well, sweetheart. Can you keep breathing just like that for me please?” 

It takes Aziraphale a few minutes to get his breathing under control but Crowley doesn’t mind counting with him or even that his shoulder is getting damp from tears and what might be other bodily fluids involved in full-on crying after your homophobic brother basically tells you you’re going to spend eternity in hell if you don’t start praying for forgiveness real quick. Honestly? Fuck that guy. He doesn't know what he’s talking about. 

They end up missing the next two classes because it takes so long for Zira to calm down but Crowley doesn’t mind that either. His Angel probably will later but that’s a problem for the future. After two class periods of breathing and counting and wiping away tears Aziraphale decides that he’s well enough to make calculus. Crowley shrugs and nods because they have that class together, so why not? He’ll be there if Zira needs him. So they head out of the greenhouse and into the main building for math. Super. 

“Thank you.” 

“Hm..?” 

He looks over at Aziraphale who’s already looking at him, “Thank you for, well, saying what you did to Gabriel and staying with me after, when I was...” 

“‘S no problem Angel. Anytime.” 

“I’m serious, dear. You always have such patience with me when I get like that and you don’t have to. Thank you.” 

Crowley stops walking and grabs Aziraphale’s hand, “Hey. I meant it, Angel. It’sss no problem. Anytime. You need someone to stand up to your brother? I’ll be there. You need someone to help you count while you breathe? I’ll be there. You just need someone to be there and be quiet? I’m there. Whatever you need, I’m there. Whenever.” 

Aziraphale blinks and smiles, “Oh, Crowley. You try to say you aren’t kind, but you say the nicest things to me. I do adore you, you know?” 

“Ngh.” 

Is Crowley breathing? Has he died? He’s died, hasn't he? He can’t possibly be alive, things this perfect don’t happen in real life? But apparently they do. And then Zira drags him to calc afterwards. That’s fine then. 

Crowley sits through calculus fretting over going to the last class because they don’t have it together and then they’ll have to go home and his Angel will be exposed to satan only knows what from his family and he just can’t do it. He can’t. He can’t send Zira off to the slaughter like that. But he doesn’t have a choice, does he? 

“Crowley?” 

“Hm?” 

“Class is over. Are you alright?” 

“Yeah, Angel. Yeah, I’m good. Off to last period, huh?” 

Crowley’s going to collapse if Zira keeps smiling at him like that. There is a real threat of collapsing. 

“I’ll see you after dear?” 

“'Course sweetheart,” Crowley grins at the blush Aziraphale is sporting because of that particular pet name, “Carry your books out for you, yeah?” 

“Oh hush,” Aziraphale’s hand is on his cheek, _hand on his cheek_, dear lord satan how’s he supposed to react to that? Oh, that’s a thumb sweeping over his cheekbone, wow, he’s about to swoon like one of those ladies from an old movie, “We both know your hands will be full of plants that need overnight care, dearheart.” 

“Well, hm,” Crowley’s spontaneously combusted. That’s what that was that just happened. And. Is Aziraphale getting closer? Oh, he is. Yeah. He’s kissing Crowley’s other cheek. Crowley really needs to pull himself together. He can’t go around dying every time his Angel shows even the slightest bit of affection. It’s not good for his health first of all. But mostly Zira might start to think he’s freaking weird. Or uncomfortable. 

“After class?” 

“Catch you then, ‘Ziraphale.” 

So they go their separate ways and Crowley spends that class period fretting as well. But it’s fine. He makes it through and leaves five minutes early to go pick his plants up from the greenhouse. His Angel knows him so well. And he knows his Angel. The stack of books he’s carrying home with him is so tall Crowley can hardly see his face over it when they meet up in the parking lot. Sigh. His dorky little Angel. 

“Put some of them in my bag then, go on.” 

“Oh, are you sure?” 

“Positive.” 

“You’ll be alright?” 

“Absolutely tickety boo, Angel. C’mon, we’re going to the same place anyway, I’m driving you home after all.” 

“Thank you, dear boy!” 

The added weight is worth it to get Aziraphale beaming at him like that. So Crowley carries about a third of Zira’s books and his plants over to his car as Aziraphale trails along behind him, trying to watch where he’s going around his own stack of books. It’s a process, but a very common one for them. Once they get to the car it’s a short drive to Zira’s house. Crowley follows the speed limit the whole way there so it takes longer than usual. He even goes below it on turns. He’s too busy fretting to notice Aziraphale’s worried glances. Crowley hasn’t obeyed a traffic law since he got his licence. Everyone who knows him would say this is a sign of the end times. Crowley would tell them that he definitely feels like it’s the end of the world right now. But the world isn’t ending and they make it to Aziraphale’s house. After Gabriel of course. The bastard's car is in the drive. 

“Crowley? I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, Angel, see you.” 

Crowley reaches over and grabs Aziraphale’s arm as he’s getting out, “You call me if you need me. Anytime remember?” 

“I remember. Maybe...maybe it won’t be so bad?” 

He nods, “Maybe. But just in case I wanted to remind you.” 

Aziraphale nods and moves to get out again but then he stops. 

“Hm?” 

Crowley watches as he moves back into the seat properly and shuts the door. They’ve never done this before. Usually, Zira goes straight in to get started on any homework he might have. They’re in new territory and Crowley isn’t quite sure whose it is or what the rules are. Before he can really question it though Aziraphale has faced him and moved into his space. There’s that hand on his cheek. Crowley can feel the swoon building up in his chest. Then, Zira’s looking down at his lips and pressing closer and whispering, “May I..?” And. And yeah. 

Yeah, Crowley would really like that actually. He’s not sure he won’t burst into flames but, “Yes, please.” 

And then they’re kissing. His Angel is kissing him. And it’s perfect. It’s better than he could imagine. It’s Zira’s soft lips on his. It’s his hands on Aziraphale’s waist. It’s his Angel’s hands on his cheeks. It’s staying up late looking at the stars. Skipping school to go see Shakespeare in the park. Loitering in the reptile house at the zoo on Saturdays. Hiding from the rain in the public library. It’s having a best friend that loves you no matter what. It’s breathing exercises and damp shoulders. It’s everything. 

When they separate Aziraphale is smiling and the dopey grin on Crowley’s face would surely destroy what’s left of his reputation entirely. But there’s nothing wrong with a bit of destroyed reputation now and then is there? He kind of wants to lock the doors and never let Aziraphale leave but then glances over his shoulder and sees Gabriel glaring at his car from the living room window. He can’t possibly see inside it but. Well, Crowley doesn’t need him to come outside and cause a scene. His Angel would be distraught. So Aziraphale gets his pile of books and heads in while Crowley watches after him with a frown. Actually leaving is even harder. But he manages. Goes home and everything. Makes it through homework and dinner and going to bed. 

Then he wakes up to tapping on his window again. He really hadn’t expected this to become a thing. He’s not wearing pants. _Again_. He doesn’t have long to worry about that though when he looks closer and sees the tears on Aziraphale’s face. No time for embarrassment now, his Angel needs him. He’ll just...yeah, yep. There’s a pair right over there. He can just pull them on under the blanket. Success! Now, he has pants on and can go let Aziraphale in. 

“So sorry to, to wake you, dear.” 

“Don’t worry about it, Angel. I told you anytime and I meant it. What’s going on?” 

“Well, Gabriel told mother and father of course and they've just not taken the news very well, you know how they are. They're talking about going to church more and asking me to pray and, and repent and Crowley I don't want to. Why wouldn't God love me how I am? Gabriel is a right prick and God loves him! God should love me even if I’m...rather taken with those of the same sex.” 

“Hey, hey. Remember to breathe alright? I’m here to listen to whatever you want to talk about but you have to pause to breathe, sweetheart.” 

Crowley watches as Zira’s shoulders slump and he throws himself down onto his bed. His poor, darling Angel. So distressed. He doesn't deserve this. 

“Will you just sit with me? And tell me what to do..? Please?” 

Crowley nods and sits next to Aziraphale where he's slouched into the mound of Crowley's pillows. 

“Tell me what happened? And I can try to talk out what you want to do with you?” 

Aziraphale smiles at him and nods, “Thank you, dear boy.” 

They never get around to talking out what Aziraphale wants to do. It's all Crowley can do to keep his Angel calm enough that he doesn't hyperventilate every few minutes. Eventually, Zira talks himself to sleep. Crowley doesn't mind. He pulls the blanket around him and makes sure he's comfortable before going out to sleep on the couch in the living room. Wouldn't want to give Aziraphale, or worse his mom and dad, the wrong idea. Crowley knows they won’t mind that Zira came over, not once he lets them know there were circumstances as it were, but they might mind if they find them in bed together with no warning. Would not be good. -10/10 in fact. But it’s fine. He’ll sleep on the couch and explain that Aziraphale just needed a place to go for the night without revealing any private details and they’ll all make it through the morning and the day and hopefully the rest of the week. Yeah.


	3. Come to Jesus Meeting with Your High School Sweetheart's Religious Zealot Family? No Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But Crowley is reaching his fucking breaking point. In fact, Crowley only manages to watch about two weeks of Aziraphale wandering around looking helpless and miserable before he has to do something. He can’t just sit around and watch his best friend, his Angel, reduced to this because his family doesn't like that he's gay. Crowley made a promise to Zira and he's going to keep it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Religious homophobia, profanity 
> 
> There's a special surprise in the endnotes today. I'm actually really excited about it, I was working hard to make sure it was done To Standards. :)

They make it through the morning alright, and the day goes fine but not much longer than that. Zira’s parents lock him down tight after that because they ended up going to check on him that night only to find out he wasn’t there. So, to add on to the constant onslaught of religion and thinly veiled homophobia being thrown at him he’s also not allowed to go anywhere that isn’t school and when he’s home he has to leave his door open so his parents know he hasn’t snuck out again. The only reason Crowley hasn’t gone on the attack is because his Angel is begging him not to and insisting that it isn’t so bad, “Truly, they’re just asking me to pray more and telling me that God is testing us or maybe I’ve let Satan into my heart and I just need to accept the love of God, it’s not so awful.” 

But Crowley is reaching his fucking breaking point. In fact, Crowley only manages to watch about two weeks of Aziraphale wandering around looking helpless and miserable before he has to do something. He can’t just sit around and watch his best friend, his Angel, reduced to this because his family doesn't like that he's gay. Crowley made a promise to Zira and he's going to keep it. So he sits down at his desk with his laptop and gets to work on google slides. All in all, the presentation only takes him about two days to make and that’s including the pamphlets. Now, he just has to figure out when he can ambush Zira’s family without him finding out, at least until afterwards. Eventually, he settles on playing hooky on a Friday. Aziraphale will be at school, Crowley will be out ‘sick,’ and Gabriel for some reason stays home most Fridays. It’s perfect. He has a plan and a powerpoint, now he just has to get through the door. Easy-peasy. 

It takes him a week and a half. Granted, the half is just because he has to wait for Friday but still. A week and a half. Because he stays home sick on Friday only to find out from his spy network (Tracy from the horticulture club and her weird boyfriend) that Gabriel picked that Friday to show up to school. Freaking seriously. Guy’s a no-show almost every Friday and the one Friday Crowley needs him to be absent he goes to school. What a nerd. So, Crowley spends the day catching up on his homework assignments and then he has to wait another week for the next Friday to roll around. He can tell by the look his mom and dad give him that morning that they’ve noticed the two Fridays in a row thing but he smiles at them pitifully and throws out some hopeful thoughts into the universe that they won’t ask him about it until later. He doesn’t have time to explain. And they’ll probably tell him not to meddle and send him to school if he does. Coughing in Anathema’s general direction when she asks him to get her sick so she can miss her spelling quiz gets them out the door quick enough though. Can’t risk having two sick kids at once if he’s not Scheming with a Capital 'S'. 

He waits thirty minutes after they leave and then he confirms with Tracy and her weirdo Shad-something that Gabriel has stayed home like he was supposed to. He has. Score. Time to ‘get a wiggle on’ and possibly end up vibe checking Aziraphale’s older brother. À la Cain and Abel if the bastard isn’t careful. Gotta keep the religious theme going after all. 

When he knocks on the door he’s honestly not expecting to be pulled in with smiles and hugs all around but really, did Zira’s mom have to try and slam the door in his face? That’s just rude. 

“Wait! I just want to talk to you guys! It’ll take half an hour, hour tops.” 

The suspicion. The glare. Really. He’s just trying to ambush them with a thirty-nine slide powerpoint over why their son is perfect and amazing and beautiful. With sources. And pictures! He included pictures and everything! And accompanying pamphlets so they have the information they can keep to read over. A good job overall if he can say so. 

She sighs, “If you must.” 

“Awesome, thanks,” he tries to ignore her staring at him as he sets up his portable projector but eventually he gives up, “Um, could you maybe get Gabriel and your husband? This is more of an everyone presentation y’know?” 

The Eyebrow Raise of Disdain is impossible to miss, “Presentation?” 

He nods and shrugs. 

“Hm.” 

Jesus, Lord Satan down below, how does his sweet Angel survive in this house? How did his sweet Angel _come out of this house? _The world may never know. 

“Who was that at the door, Dove?” 

Or his answer is right there in the hallway. Yeah, Zira’s dad has always been the softer of the two when it comes to his parents. Crowley tends to forget that because he goes so long without seeing them. 

“The miscreant leading our son down the path of sin.” 

Ouch. 

“Do you think he would let me pray for him?” 

“I’m pretty sure he’s a Satanist, father.” 

“Now Gabriel, that just means he needs it even more.” 

Glad to see the rumours he’s started about himself have taken off. 

Once all three of them make it into the room he’s got the projector set up and aimed at the wall across from their couch and the pamphlets spread out on the coffee table. It’s all very professional. He thinks Zira would be proud after he got over killing him for getting involved. 

“Crowley.” 

“Gabriel.” 

“Hello, Anthony.” 

“Hey, uh, feel free to pray for whatever you want sir, just, I don’t do that, so, I won’t be participating.” 

Aziraphale’s mom glares at him a little, tiny bit less and his dad smiles at him. Good. They’re softening up. They’ll need that for the slides. He has them sit down on the couch and turns the projector on. He doesn’t make it through the second slide before Zira’s mom has a bit of an outburst. It’s fine. He’s got a little sister. He’s used to all kinds of tantrums and outbursts. This is the adult kind though so he isn’t feeling altogether patient about it. 

“Look,” He glares until she stops ranting about God and ‘under her roof,’ “You don’t like me. I wear black. Ssskinny jeans. I like snakes. I’m a ‘bad kid.’ Too rebelliouss. But, you know what? I’m also in advanced astronomy and calculus and the horticulture club at school. I make As in all my classes. I even read for fun sometimes, Sa-Someone forbid Aziraphale ever find out. And I’ve spent the last two weeks putting this all together and planning this because I adore your son and I’m not going to just _watch you destroy everything good about him. _So, the three of you can sit down, take your freaking pamphletsss, and _pay attention_. Got it?” 

That shuts them up. He’s going to start getting offended that people are stunned into silence when they find out what he does at school. Honestly. But right now he’s weaponized it fairly well so he’ll just move on with the presentation. And would you look at that? Not another interruption. Not a single one. His Angel’s family just needed a reality check that’s all. They thought they knew him and what they thought they knew made them think he couldn’t possibly have anything worthwhile to say. That’s kind of fucked honestly. An issue for another day. Baby steps, baby steps. 

None of them really say anything after that. They’re silent through the rest of the slideshow and after when he goes over the pamphlet. Then when he offers to answer any questions or talk about anything at the end they all just stare at him. Okay, so maybe their worldview is crumbling around them. He can apologize for that later. But they needed it. He’ll just, yeah, he can pack his things up while they think. That’s fine too. And when he’s finished he’ll offer to answer any questions again. Yep. He turns and starts putting his projector and all of its bits and bobs and things into his bag. That’s over way too soon. 

“Um. Any questions? About anything at all?” 

Crowley politely ignores the fact that Gabriel is trying to hide the tears in his eyes. If he doesn’t want people to notice that’s his business. Besides, Crowley is probably the last person he would want comfort from anyways. Even if he does do that same nose scrunchy thing that Zira does when he's trying not to cry. It’s fine. Crowley can control himself. It’s not his Angel. It’s his Angel’s asshole brother. Oh, thank Satan, his mom has something to say. He needs the distraction. 

“Aziraphale...never told us you were in the horticulture club.” 

Well, really. That’s what she has to say after all that. Crowley snorts, “Good. He’s not supposed to tell anyone. Most everyone who knows I go thinks it’s required as a punishment for stealing Mrs. Nelson’s cactus. Actually, I joined after cause I didn’t know they had it until after. She was murdering that poor plant and when I pointed it out the Principal told me to join the club instead of committing theft.” He pauses and looks over all of their faces. They probably need some time alone to think. Yep. That’s what he would want. He thinks at least. “Now, I have to go if no one has any other questions, but read over those pamphlets and think about shit, yeah?” 

They all nod and he waves as he walks out. That was an experience. One he hopes never to repeat. Having a come to Jesus meeting with religious homophobes is stressful, okay? Just really really stressful. He needs to go see his Angel now. Maybe get some ice cream. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To see Crowley's slideshow see the links below. I decided I just had to go ahead and make it, so here it is. Let me know if there are any problems viewing it and I'll try to figure something out. 
> 
> [Crowley's Slideshow (Tumblr)](https://thanksfortheexistentialcalamity.tumblr.com/post/188377759510/the-slideshow-that-goes-with-my-good-omens-high)
> 
> [Crowley's Slideshow (Google Slides)](https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1i_7-2gT8lDXYfsIOmhYngnbeHsEqXhXNq7YXWH-o7vU/edit?usp=sharing)

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: This is where that religious homophobia that I was talking about really comes up. Like I said previously, its nothing severe. No slurs, no physical assault. Some 'But your immortal soul, it's a sin' talk. I tried to make it the most loving religious homophobia I could manage really.


End file.
